Drive with a heart.....

Yesterday evening; I was riding back from office to my room. On the way there was a red light at a traffic point, we all stopped and were waiting for green signal to come. The green signal came for us to go on, that time a guy (wearing no helmet and having a pillion rider) in a scooter broke the red light from the left and sped past us and in the process hitting a bike which was just ahead of me. And a very Indian thought came to me that second, “What if it was me?” The bike toppled and the biker fell off. His rear view mirror was broken and some scratches on the bike’s body. I am not sure if that guy had any injury or not. This biker was an over careful guy I think, because he was wearing helmet and a raincoat (pant and jacket) in a bright sunny day like yesterday. I was feeling sorry that there no fault of this guy and still he had to suffer all the losses. The scooter rider, well nothing happened to him and nobody had the presence of mind to write his registration number; not even me. I just wished this guy should have met with a freaky accident, but No he sailed past with no problems.

So you see, this is what I concluded from yesterday’s incident that - no matter how well you follow the rules of the road and how well you drive; it just takes somebody else’s carelessness to end you up in a service centre or a hospital or both. Why cannot you, I and we all be a bit considerate on the road? Considerate – towards the road rules, towards other fellow vehicle drivers and pedestrians. Why do we have to have a speed racer’s attitude on the road full of people trying to commute to their work place or home? We are neither driving to save the world nor are we covering a lot of distance (at least not in Bangalore’s traffic!!) by rash driving. Then, why do we do it? I agree that am not a great personality when it comes to driving, but I do make sure I stop at RED, show indicators while taking turns and do not jeopardize my life (and in the process other’s fellow rider’s life) by over speeding or overtaking at turns. That is the least I can do (I SHOULD DO precisely!!) being the next generation and supposed to bring the wave of difference in the Shining India. So please guys and gals, uncles and aunts, brothers and sisters (I know I don’t have a great audience for my blog but still) please drive with some consideration.

Life Changes. So we need to Change....

60 years; that is the average age of a couple that I met recently at the park bench in Bangalore. With 30 years being the time since they are married. Both were government employees and are retired now. They had a son and a daughter. Son earns handsomely in a MNC and daughter is also working. Both are happily married to a good family. Well doesn’t it sound like the Picture Perfect life that we all want or dream of for our self and our children? Hmmm.. Very true…. but then is it that perfect after all? 

.................

Ok so let’s get into the lives of Ram (61) and Sunitha (60). Ram and Sunitha are old time love married couples (when I say old its as old as late 1970s). Sunitha liked his frankness & protectiveness and Ram just loved her outgoing & independent nature. They were happy together from their first day of marriage. They had a son –Shantanu- after 2 years of marriage. And 5 years later had a daughter - Deepa. Both grew up to be average but well mannered students and never ever tarnished their parents name by doing anything wrong. And as I said earlier the guy got a good job in an MNC with frequent visits to foreign locales. Gal after her studies got a good job too and few years later married to a good family. They had earned enough; after their hardships and compromises, to construct a big enough house in Kerala after retirement. All their neighbors and relatives used to envy that this is the perfect family that anybody could ask for. But all was not so perfect at home - L.

Ram and Sunitha were working in Karnataka and when retired returned to their home town Kerala. After being retired he (Ram) suddenly had to face a grim reality that nobody actually knew him (read as cared for him) in Kerala. While back in Karnataka he was a well known face in the town and had lots of people paying their respect to him and calling him “sir”. So it was quite depressing for him. He started feeling a rejected guy. Here he was just another guy retired and taking rest; and one nobody admired him much. So a sudden urge in him to be known by people around him; made him to mingle with neighbors and distant relatives around. The problem with Kerala – Gods Own Country; in particular some areas of Kerala, is that people are quite narrow minded and sarcastic at times. And that is something people who have stayed out cannot adjust to. Being with this new group of friends he started to become one of them and started behaving like them. Being sarcastic while talking and started assuming things and felt very agitated at people giving opinion about things that was his selection or choice (for e.g. paint of house, choice of curtains etc.) and finally having to curb the expenses because they were retired now. He was not able to know how he was hurting people (his near dear ones) by saying things like that. Sunitha on the other hand started comparing Ram to how he was all those years they were together. She saw that he was getting stressed and angry for silly things – a quality he never had. He was a short tempered guy but never this bad. She couldn’t help but think that his bad temper had something to do with her lack of job (she was on her pension, thus not having enough money to contribute to him). She started being hostile towards him because anything (suggestions, opinions, ideas etc.) she said to him ended in a negative or sarcastic note. The frequent night time talks that they used to have before sleep started decreasing. These small talks in the night were the one that actually made more sense than any other sane discussion between them during the working hours. Great decisions have been made and bigger issues resolved over this small talk in the night.

The young look of Ram started taking a toll because of his negative attitude or say negative energy accumulation within him. His young look at 50s was the much talked about thing among his friend’s and colleagues because of his yoga and happy family life. Close friends of the family started noticing the same and would ask “Why are you looking all stressed and suddenly old Ram? Your daughter is happily married and son is having a good job and family. What more can you ask for?” But Ram laughed it off saying “Hey I am not stressed!!” and continued being this way and causing the distance between him and Sunitha to increase.

After few months of their settlement in Kerala, Sunitha decides to call it quits and left to daughter, Deepa’s house in Karnataka. Deepa’s husband Chetan; the Son-in-law a very calm and down to earth fellow, couldn’t help but notice that there is something wrong between MIL (Mother in law) and FIL (Father in law). He started talking with MIL when nobody was around and he got to know all from her that was necessary. He kept thinking about it for some days and discussed the same with Shantanu and Deepa. After some days of discussion they felt that the only way this two people can be happy together is by Self-Realization.

Self-realization on Ram’s part -

• To understand that at the end of the day people get hurt, just like he does. Weigh what you are going to say against how you would have felt if the same was told to you by someone else.
• Be with friends and socialize with relatives; but understand that family is the one that will be with you at all odds. So
• Enjoy life!! Start looking at the beauties of nature. Take a break. Go for a holiday with your better half. All major responsibilities of his life are over.
• Be aware but not responsible for what is going on in his children’s life. Understand that they have a life of their own now and will manage well just like he and Sunitha did when they had met and married. Give suggestions if asked but don’t get involved and tensed because of their problems. They are grown up.
• People are different so their likes and dislikes are also different. So when it comes to opinions, don’t outright reject it aggressively. Or see their opinions as rejection of yours. Consider it and reason why can or cannot it be selected.
• Work hard to make the relationship work.
• Don’t go back and talk about things compromised or done years back. NEVER!!

Self-realization on Sunitha’s part –

• People change with age and environment. So we have to be patient with relationship. Relationships can get stressed; that’s a test. And try to discuss with Ram on issues where she may have been hurt or felt that he may have hurt someone with his harsh words. Try to make him sit on other’s shoe and understand the situation.
• He may not always mean what he meant. That is he may not have meant as bad as you took it.
• She should not become outright negative towards his friends and relatives. Just consider them as entities of a larger society that won’t affect y our relationship and family affairs. Because that would create an unwanted negative energy within you.
• Work hard to make the relationship work.
• Don’t go back and talk about things compromised or done years back. NEVER!!

After discussion with Shantanu and Deepa they came up with a plan. They bought a 7 day couples tour package for both of them. And convinced both of them to go for this tour. Before leaving they were both handed a set of placards and a plain sheet. There were 5 placards in each set with the following written oven them:

• DON’T DISCUSS A 3^Rd PERSON!! - To be shown to the other whenever they start talking about someone else (Good or bad about anyone. Be it Friends, enemy or children).
• SEE THE BEAUTY!! – To be shown when you Notice something beautiful. It can be out of simple things. For e.g. see a kingfisher hunting a fish, or sun set/rise etc. Discuss with your counterpart what you felt was beautiful. One more thing done say it for the sake of finding a beauty. Feel it and then describe the beauty.
• YOU ARE GETTING ANGRY!! – To be shown to other person when he is getting angry.
• YOU ARE GETTING TENSED!! – To be shown to the other person when he/she starts getting tension. For e.g. the food may not be coming on time, the bus ticket may not be available, there maybe rain etc.
• SLOW DOWN!! – To be shown to the other whenever they are rushing the things. For e.g. taking bath fast, eating fast, walking fast etc. You are here for a holiday not for a running race.

In the back of the placards was the number 1-7 in the following manner.

1 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

2 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

……

7 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Every time you do anything that is there in the placard you get a * from the other. That is if ram says anything about somebody else then Sunitha gives a * on the placard against that particular day. Starting from 1^st, 2^nd - 7^th day. Similarly if Ram says something good about something beautiful that he noticed he gets a * from Sunitha for the same and vice versa.

At the end of 7th write in the plain sheet - WHAT DID YOU REALIZE AFTER THIS TRIP?

After the 7 days trip the couples were looking younger and happier. Few wrinkles decreased. The placards were having quite a lot of * in the beginning 2-3 days against the negative ones and gradually loosing the same and gaining more against the good one. They had written a quite lengthy description about their realization. I am not telling what they wrote. It is something any loving couple would have wrote after self realization.

.................

60+ years; that is the average age of a couple that I met recently at the park bench in Bangalore, while they wait for Chetan to bring them paani puri. A happy looking couple they are now, having handled some ups and downs in relationship with maturity.

Nobody is made for each other; it’s just that people have to make it up for each other.

Someone wrote this about me.......

Hi Guys,

A fren of mine wrote all this about me. What do you think about it? Is it something you too feel

Regards

Pradeep

Pradip”…

To be frank I du not knw wat he really is… and here I am writin abut one such person dunno y and tat too at this point o time(11:20pm) on a Friday(29-08-08) after a lousy 9:00 -6:45 job…

Nw I’ve begun to call him “PRA” he’s becum ma chuddy-buddy!!! ;)

Pra as far as I knw is a practical soul, a sensible and down-to-earth guy. he is slow to move to action, deliberate and careful..

Pradip s not a dreamer ,he plans things fer life and lives life the way he wants to live it… though he may seem a go lucky sorts trust me he s not- he’s a MAN who plans fer the winter days, he loves his mommy loads…. He can get reaaallyyy poetic at times and will sweep u off yer feet.. I guess more than intelligence common sense was tat which drew me to him…he s takes no bossin around, and he doesn’t do tat to u too ne time.. I guess he s protective abut ppl close to him and cares fer them loads… he goes ahead wid things only if he wants to else take a bet he wont move an inch as “the Rock”…

Basically a perfect 9 on 10 fer this guy from ma side …. He acts matured nevertheless he sounds naïve initially but as u get t know him he s not guys…

Attention Ladies “THIS GUY LOVES TO COOK” ,he’s working on this now and I am sure one day he’ll be grt at it..

“LOVE U BUDD”

Getting The Big Break

When was the last time you felt that you have got “The Break” you were looking for? Well quite recent for me if you ask me. How? Ok let me back track

I am here working in a startup company with big plans, aspirations and one of the best technologies. 3 years down the line I felt that it was time to move on. So I started hunting for job. My first interview was with IBM, and I luckily clearing the same. Followed by the interview with Jamcracker and clearing that too. Then Started my difficulty to decide which one to opt for? IBM or Jamcracker.

I started listing from the point of view of an employee pros and cons:

1)- IBM i brand name, well known and worth spending time even in bench. While Jamcracker is small and unknown to many so if sometime later I plan to leave the company it would be same all over again with me having to explain where I was working.

2)- IBM is so big a sea that the being or not being of few fishes wouldn’t make a difference, thus it would be so difficult to make your presence felt. While here in Jamcracker there is a chance that if you are doing something good people would know that you did something.

3-4) IBM’s salary was more or less the same with JC. But the position a so was better in JC. And history of hikes also was much better than IBM.

So after much thought I was planned to join Jamcracker. I confirmed with the HR and all that formalities.

All good this far, that’s when comes the interview from company called Aztecsoft – A Mindtree Company. I thought “ok lets go and attend. Just another interview right?” And lo – I came out from that interview with a better offer (MONEY Baby!!) and position. All ethics were sidelined and I took the Aztecsoft offer and told No to JC. In quite a dramatic fashion which still at times makes me sad for having to say that.

I join Aztecsoft on 15^th Sep, after quite a big break that is of 13 days for Onam and housewarming in Kerala. I joined and start to get to know that how things work in big companies and even before I was allotted any real work I am in for another surprise (call it god’s grace!!) I am being asked by my PM – “would you like to go to USA soon?” “Of course” Comes my reply.

And here I am sitting writing blog while doing US Visa process. So if everything goes well i am gonna be in USA soon. It may happen that i may not got to US because of 100 things that can go wrong. But Hey this shows that there is always a chance. Isn't it?

This was my break that I remember. Why? Coz it gave confidence that I can after all clear interviews, my brother happiness that his younger brother is something, my mother freedom to retire coz her children are on there feet and my dad proud to say where his son works. Well that’s a break all of us would like to have isn’t it?

Via God's Route

21 Sep 1996

Once me, my mother, two family friends (Unni and Shashi) and driver were going to Guwahati (Assam) from Itanagar (Arunachal Pradesh) in a car. Its generally 6-7 Hours route that we from Arunachal have to take to catch any trains or flights to go anywhere; in our case to kerala. The driver was driving in high speed of 100-110 KMPH. After around 3 hours of journey it started drizzling. The car was old with its tyre totally plain, because of this and the rain our car skidded and took 3 whirlpool rotations and fell upside down into a paddy field; barely missing a hit to a Pipal tree. Paddy fields are always kept well irrigated thus the fall had a lesser impact on us sitting inside. We all were safe, but the whole thing was so shocking to me that i was in a kind of trance and felt as if I was dead and all i could smell was petrol and the muddy water. then I started slowly hearing my mother calling me- first a whisper, then louder and louder. But i wasn't able to move, that's when somebody shook me and brought me out of the car. A very dark hand of some stranger.

Actually we had crashed near a small village of sorts where there were maximum 8-10 cottages made from bamboo, coconut leaves and mud walls. Those guys came running selflessly and took us and our things also out of the car safely. We hadn't recovered still from the shock. There was an elderly person who looked like the head of the group of people and enquired about our well being and if we had any injuries. Then that guy started telling that this a regular accident prone area. Asked us to clean up and change the clothes. We took bath in the near lake and got dressed. Shashi had come with no baggage and didn't have any clothes replacement for his dirty pants. And with him being in the bulkier side we couldn't lend him our dress. The head of the village said "wait a sec i think i have a pant just for you." And he brought a white pant and gave to Shashi which was perfect fit for him. They brought a red tea for all of us. It was so tasty that 10 years later and the taste is still fresh in my mouth now. Just that time some guys well dressed and our neighbours in Itanagar came inside the village. They had come after seeing the car that was upside down in the road side. It was a surprise to us and no surprise to them that the car met with accident.They saw it speeding and overtaking dangerously all the way from behind. So this guys were ready to give us lift to Guwahati. we were ready to go when my mother took some money and gave to the head but he didn't accept after much insistence also. Not even for the pant. And my mother started crying and fell on his legs thanking for all that they did. It was a surprise again for me that these guys were so poor and their houses were so shabby, but still nobody accepted money. While leaving we asked what the name of the place. Its Rangaghar. We promised to come back someday soon.

After this incidents we have passed this same route so many times, but we still haven't been able to find the place yet. This village itself doesn't seem to exist where we met with accident anymore. So who were these guys; just there when we needed their presence, never to be seen again? Well Gods to us and nothing less. How can we deny existence of God in our lives? I cant.

So when do you know its love?

I saw Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na few weeks back.... Nice movie... The main theme of the movie is - Friends for a long time, don't know that they are in love and the dilemma in the same. I am sure quite a few of you must have related to the theme.. At least the young generation who live in a world were girls and guys study, work, live, travel, party together. And the whole time calling it "Just Frens!!".


'Just Frens' makes it easy for each of them to do anything they would have done with their lovers, minus the Possessiveness baggage.. Isn't it?


But tell me this Can you take it well that your fren is cuddling with someone else OR Do you start missing her already just after you guys met few hours back... Can it be branded 'just Friendship'... I don't think so.. So isn't it time that you understand that - this is love... Suggestion is to go ahead and declare your love.... Maybe you will end up getting a "I Never Thought Like That!" line/glare from your gal or a Slap at the most. But believe me its worth it... If you were sure that she shared a similar bond with you just as you did with her, she would stop to think about it once-at least. She would try to analyze past times spent together, for sure. And if your luck is not really screwed up - you may find LOVE in Your Best friend. What can be better than Finding love in friendship or Friendship in love. And guess what if you are really great friends then you can convey your feelings without having to jeopardize your friendship.

So all you there - question yourself "Are we just Friends?"

Friday the 13th - For Me....

Friday the 13th and the first thing that comes to our mind is Jason as the slasher in one of the top grossing Slasher movie with same name. Well, otherwise also its got a certain fear among so many Americans; who are afraid to move around with their regular work because of fear of this particular date. People wont take flight or train journeys and many people not leaving their houses for fear that they may meet with an accident.

But in Dan Brown's Da Vinci's Code there is a say as to how the Friday the 13 came into being. Some thing with related to murder of the members of Priory of Scion in a large number, on that day.

As of me, well i never considered it anything other than "JUST ANOTHER DAY". But it wasn't going to be like that for me this time around:13-06-2008. A day after the housewarming at Bangalore's house had finished. So we were supposed to stay back in the house for 3-5 days or forever. So we all together planned to stay for 3 days. Lacking basic utility items in the house; staying there proved to be an experience of sorts.

I was supposed to go and bring make a to and fro trip in my Activa as long as i was staying there. I faced quite a few problems that i am gonna remember for long. What I faced are as follows:

1) I had emailed invitation to all about the Housewarming Party on 15th. Though i mailed pakya, but had forgotten to call him. This was taken in a totally wrong way by him. He said he knew that he was nobody to me and all that. He was really sad and hurt about it. It later on made me feel that i should have called him and all close frens; if not personally, at least over the phone. I was just recovering from this when the following happens:

2) Tony calls me and tells me that He may have forgotten to switch off the gas and to go and check the same. Now i was so tensed and thinking what all may have happened to my room (rental room). I reached there and i found that Luckily the gas wasn't open. And there was no problem. I was thinking why things like this are happening to me so planned to drive carefully. Thats when this happens to me:

3) Me and bhaiyaa went for dinner and on the way bought threads to tie the Talisman that we always had around our neck (and which was taken off as part of the Ganapathi Homam). And after coming to home i am searching for my talisman or tagiddu and i am not able to find it anywhere. Its lost!! It happened just because of my absent mindedness because i remember tee totaling with it. , thats what i have to say. It may have been lost during the second happening or during shopping for few items or god knows where. Hope and i wish i just find it.

And the by product of all this happenings is this Blog!!


My question is: Is Friday the 13th to be blamed for all this? Tell you what No. Its just another day with coincidently things going wrong because of my carelessness.

Santosh Subramaniam

Santosh subramaniam starring Jayam Ravi, Genelia D'Souza and Prakash in the lead roles with support from Geetha as Prakash Raj's wife is a wonderful. Or say a wonderful remake of the original Bommarillu, which i havent seen but have heard a lot about. The role of Jayam Ravi as santosh may find many takers as the son frustrated by the over caring nature of the. The story goes like this- Santosh is a guy frustrated with his father Subramaniam (Prakash Raj) for giving more than asked for. He decides dresses, hair style, career (work in his construction company) and not unexpectedly the girl he should marry. Santosh never shows his frustration at home and to his father. He tells his frens that he will decide two things in his life that is his Career and the Gal he will marry. But he gets engaged to a girl decided by his father and this girl is having a life much similar to his. But then he meets Hasini(Genelia) a simple, fun loving, talkative, kiddish middle class girl, staying with her widowed father-a loving father. Hasini and Santosh meet each other again and become frens and then lovers in frequent meetings which constitute of the films much funnier parts.

Sumbramaniam gets to know about this and thus Santosh asks his dad to allow Hasini to stay at their home for 1 week and find any reason why he shouldnt marry her. Subramaniam allows this. Santosh brings Hasini to home; too loud for Santosh's family. And in the course of one week Santosh's secrets like plans to start own business, hitting goons, drinking in the night and scolding his dad gets known to all. And inthe process Haasini leaves home saying she doesnt wnat to marry Santosh because of his different nature in house and outside house. Gradually over a heated discussion between Son-father , The ice between the son and dad breaks in the climax. And Santosh opening up his views and frustration to his dad. Thus ends the movie with santosh's family going to Haasini's home to bring her back and Santosh going to his engaged gal's house and breaking the same with support from the gal.

The movie ends with santosh staying at Haasini's house waiting for one reason why he shouldn not marry her from Haasini's father.

Performances are Ultimate from Prakash Raja (as always) and Jayam Ravi. And Genelia is excellent as the fun loving gal though there is scope for improvement while emoting. Geetha does complete justice to her role with an excellent Outburst in the climax of the movie. The humor throughout the movie doesn't look separated as in many Tamil movies. Music is good though some of them sounds familiar.

Somehow Jayam Ravi Seems the right choice for remakes, with almost all his remakes doing good in Tamil.

A good watch for the family.

Can I Make A Difference

Hmmmm.. Thinking of how to beat the scorching heat of summer i am writing my OCCASIONAL blogs. The summer has been much warmer and humid than last time here in Bangalore otherwise known for its AC Climate. Must be because of the 1000s of vehicles coming on the roads daily and the numerous buildings being built over the graveyard of trees. But hey I am not complaining because "What have i done about it?" - NOTHING. I haven't planted one tree. I am just the normal guy trying to do nothing that the Other don't do. I am what R.K.Laxman calls COMMON MAN. Only i am not wearing that checked tweed suit.

Common Man- a name i use to call myself for all my Timidness and for not doing something that i could have done for someone else than me or for the surrounding like helping some guy meeting with accident or moving off a rock in the road that may cause accidents, stopping my bike in the Traffic Red light alone even when i am the only one standing there and others are just honking at me for not signals Jumping and many small things like this.

Sometimes I do feel that I should do something that may make a difference; at least to me, when i look back some years later. I feel Today is my lucky day-because there is a divider that had been hit by some vehicle and has been tilted thus becoming very dangerous for the people coming in Vehicles and new to the place. The may hit and depending on the situation the accident's severity would be decided. Can I do it? When the kid in Times Of India's Lead India Campaign can move a tree then why not me? :-)


Yes You Can Do it... and my request to all of you too to start by doing such small things.